Today I left a bit later than usual because I didn't have my usual Wednesday morning class. I walked to the same bus stop I usually do and as I neared the intersection I saw the juice/food wallas that I always see pushing their cart where I get off the bus! I had no idea they came so far, I thought they just crossed the street...ok, I thought it was amazing.
Anyway,
This whole I have to say good bye to people soon thing is not going over well with me. My fellow American friends are mostly leaving next week while I'm in Nepal so I have to say bye to most of them on Friday...at least I know people all over the US now =)

processing...
So I've been trying to think lately, that is, when I haven't been trying to finish up my stuff for finals...I've been trying to figure out what coming to India has meant to me. It has certainly meant a whole new group of amazing friends, people I will never forget and pray I will see again. It has meant a growing up of sorts...not so much in the sense that I've seen things in the world that I never knew existed, but more that I'm in that phase in life where I begin to establish how I will live. The kids on the street that always ask "ek rupee de do" (give one rupee) or try to sell me magazines, flowers, mosquito swatters, flashy light thingys, etc when I'm in an auto rickshaw sitting at a stop light can not have their life changed by me. I can't give them in bath in a proper tub instead of the muddy rain puddle on the corner (that they nevertheless have fun swimming in), I can't comb their hair, I can't teach them to read, I can't tell them everything is going to be ok. But I can live in the little things. I've been reminded of the importance of living each moment intentionally. With the kids, I can offer an orange if I have it, I can try out my Hindi and ask them their name and age and treat them like the interesting, goofy kids they are. It's selfish in a way because I love to see them smile, but that's what I can do. It's not anything to be happy about, helplessness in the face of injustice, but it's a grounding, a reason to make sure that I live my life in a responsible way, a way I hope living in community when I go home will nurture, a way that at least resembles Jesus' ways. The day I was denied my visa and I thought I'd have to leave India December 4th and thus was practically in tears an autowalla kindly took me for free (which is unheard of) to a auto stand that had autos that would take me where I was going since it wasn't on his route. I needed that kindness in that moment. The small things.
That being said, India has been more to me than a confirmation that trying to live justice is what I can try to do for the world and for my small part, it has been life. The energy of the mornings and the hustle-bustle of the evening markets, the daily struggle with auto-walla prices (or anything else you want to buy), the crowded buses, animals in the streets, the never-ending honking, the smells, the spices, the overly friendly looks of strange men, the funny looks I get from our cook and our maid, Anita, the bright clothing, the tastes, the sights, the unexpected. The way I realize everything will work out even if it's late or out of order or not exactly logical...this has certainly been a good "India" lesson for me. The home I left behind. I people I LOVE LOVE LOVE and now know I could never life so far from in a permanent manner. The truth that if I can come live in India, I can do many things and I'm really excited for whatever it is I may be doing next.

A Thomas Merton prayer Father G gave at Loyola last year before we took the bus to the SOA protest in Georgia...I turn to it a lot (and if I type it here then if I loose the sheet I'll still have it!):
I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does, in fact, please You. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this You will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always thought I may be lost in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.