Self vs. Self: Round 1

This is my first summer in Chicago since we moved when I was 12. Delighted at the idea of enjoying free summer stuff and paying my own way for necessary bills, I started my summer job Monday canvassing door to door for the Democratic National Committee. I knew the skepticism that accompanies such a job when I signed up and I was totally on board none-the-less because I really do think this country needs a change in leadership, and, at the least, a change from the same old white-rich-male on top. That said, I started canvassing door-to-door to raise money for the DNC. I raised $120 on my first night...then dropped to $95 the second, and it was only on the second night that I really started to believe it was good for me to spend my time raising this money because I want Obama or Clinton in the White House. After 2 1/2 days on the job, however, I kept feeling an itch, an inkling telling me I'm not on the right track. That's when I knocked on a door that revealed my own itch to me: I got canvassed. (Maybe I shoud've recruited her?) This woman told me how she volunteers for a NGO that is working to get campaigning caps since exorbitant amounts of money get poured into politics. And it clicked: I wasn't happy canvassing because I don't think that Obama or Clinton really needs the money I was working for to win in November. I'd go door to door and sign up voters in a heart beat or talk to people who are not already on board. I believe so much in people and their ability to be or get educated and make good decisions. I'll ask for money if I see a clear need, but that woman helped me understand my discomfort by pointing out the millions already at work on these campaigns. Since I can't do work that I disagree with on some level, I called my supervisor at that moment and quit. It seemed a bit rash, but I'd been so uncomfortable with myself at that work that it only made sense.

Quitting was so liberating. It's the first time in a long time that I needed to make a go-with-the-gut decision and they're always hard, but weight-lifting. Who knows? Maybe I'll canvass for Save the Children or another NGO. I want to be in community organizing, so door-to-dooring is definitely necessary, but I will only do it when I'm fully convicted and with th cause. I learned that I really cannot do things that are unclear and involve taking from others. I'd rather not make money and live in a basement's of friends and work for peace, love, and kindness.

Some say politics will never change, and to some degree, it's true. That's what citizens are for, we are meant to first elect politicians and even push candidates we believe in, but pushing issues in politics and on the streets is the top priority. People have to love others with conviction and continually work on unquestionably genuine ways of living such love. That's how good will come of politics.

Hopefully I can find a job that works for such issues and pushes them in the long run. For now, I just hope I can pay rent for the summer and learn Hindi =). Have any contacts for me?